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Share It

Don’t be scared to tell people who love you what you are going through. It is my belief that people genuinely want you to be real. They want to help you; they want to pray for you; they want to be a blessing to you. Think about the personal satisfaction you get when you do something nice for someone else. It feels pretty awesome right? Don’t take that blessing away from those who love you. I’m pretty sure Jesus knew what He was talking about when He said “it is more blessed to give than to receive.” If you don’t ever need to receive anything, you rob people of the blessing of giving.

Shut It

Shut up the constant chatter in your brain. It is negative, self-defeating and untrue! It is impossible to do this unless you purposely put other thoughts in your mind. To shut my mind up, I memorize scripture. It is impossible for your mind to be talking if you are trying to memorize anything. Your brain gets focused on the task it is working on. Another tactic is to replace lies with truth. My favorite verse to do this with is Philippians 4:8. This verse has an onslaught of good thoughts to focus our attention on, which are things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent and praiseworthy. Take those words and fill in the blank. Here is an example: True: My children love me, Noble: How my husband sticks beside me even though I am going crazy etc. If none of those work, play candy crush! That keeps your mind off anything, and now you know why I am on level 350!

Get Up

When it is 4am and you can’t sleep, and I know you can’t because you can’t turn your brain to off, get up and exercise. What good does it do you to lay there and focus on not being able to sleep? It is scientifically proven that when you exercise you release feel good chemicals called endorphins. You can’t sleep anyway, do something productive.

Do Something

Don’t be alone. Do something! I try to stay busy and productive. One of my favorite things to do is Yoga with my BFF. I have an army of BFF’s who “babysit” me during this time. We lunch, we shop, we put together crafts for church, we get our make-up done etc. It keeps me focusing on something else other than my miserable state.

See a Counselor

See a counselor. Sometimes it is good to talk to someone who doesn’t know you and has no vested interest in you. It is also good to have an unbiased perspective. Counselors exist because you are not alone, other people go through this.

See a Medical Doctor

See a doctor. Sometimes depression is caused by chemical imbalances and the chemicals need some help getting balanced. There is no difference in taking an anti-depressant than there is in taking blood pressure medicine or any other type of medicine that regulates your body. If you are embarrassed about what your friends will say, don’t be. The people that love you want you to get better. If your friends think that taking an anti-depressant make you less, get new friends. They are probably also the same people sitting on the couch, eating a Big Mac and popping cholesterol pills.

There is Purpose

I get so mad at God when this happens. The problem is, my enemy never misses a good tongue lashing at God, and he is there to cheer me on. Go to the scripture and see what it says about suffering. Typically all the things I am mad about and think God should be doing aren’t scriptural. God doesn’t promise me a bed of roses. We are supposed to rejoice in our suffering. We actually grow closer to Christ through partaking in the fellowship of His sufferings. It’s not fun, but knowing there is a purpose for the pain does make it easier. It is important to remember in this time, and all times, if there is ever a debate between what you are feeling and what Scripture says, Scripture wins…..ALWAYS! Your feelings will lie to you.

Acceptance

Accept the fact that this might be “the thorn in your flesh”. Paul talked a lot about the thorn in his flesh that God didn’t take away. I like that Paul never revealed what the thorn was. I think he did it so we could all relate to him, we could all assume that he shared the same thorn that we do. We must be aware though, this could be something that won’t go away. It could be a pruning process, it could be used to make us stronger, or it could be just because we live in a Fallen World. Whatever the reason, accept it. Your job is to glorify and enjoy God. So in this, find a way to do that, and ask God to show you what He wants to reveal through your suffering.

Serve Others

Do something for someone else! It seems like when I am in the middle of depression I am so self-absorbed with how I am feeling that is all I can think about is ME, ME, ME. Doing something that serves someone else not only keeps your mind off yourself, it glorifies God, which is our purpose!

This Does Not Define You

Depression does not define you. My sweet husband sent me an email, yes we send love notes via email, last time I went through this cycle and reminded me “depression isn’t who you are”. It is something I might have to deal with forever, but it’s not me. Remind yourself who you are, and if anyone sends you a note of encouragement, keep them and read through them to be reminded of who you really are.

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ONE WORD – that was the challenge for 2014. Pick one word to focus on for 2014. After much thought, I chose the word FEARLESS. I was fresh off two years of greatness, as I perceived it, and was up for a challenge.

I had listened to God’s call and obediently adopted our youngest daughter, who has brought much joy to our house. I had tackled a mission trip out of the country without my husband. I had completed a triathlon. And now I was focusing my time and energy on a new challenge I felt God calling me to. I was ready to be even more fearless for God in 2014.

Then one week into the New Year on a Tuesday it hit me at 11am, the dread, the darkness, the fear, the stomach pain. By 2pm I had spiraled and depression had engulfed my whole being. I honestly thought I was immune. It had happened once a few years back, but I assumed it would never happen again.

I found myself angry at God. Why does He allow this to happen to me? Why isn’t He protecting me? Why would He choose to punish me when I strive to be obedient? Why, Why, Why?

This time when it happened, I didn’t try to live in hiding like I had previously. I informed my friends and family, who love me, and asked them to start praying. I knew from the last time, I needed to form an army to help me get through this.

Reflecting back on my most recent episode of depression, I wasn’t afraid to be honest. I wasn’t afraid to say, no I can’t be at the house by myself. I wasn’t afraid to call my friend and say I need to come to your house right now and ask her to pray for me. I wasn’t afraid to wake Brian up at 3am and say please pray over me. I wasn’t afraid to call my friend at 6am and say I need you to pick me up and take me to the doctor right now. I wasn’t afraid to go for a run at 4am; honestly, I was kind of hoping a bear would eat me to put me out of my misery.

I wasn’t protecting my ego. I wasn’t afraid of not being perfect.

Maybe when I chose fearless, God had different ideas for exposing my fears than I did. Perhaps He knew the deepest fear I needed to conquer was the fear of not always having it together, and He allowed me to suffer this so I could face it. I don’t pretend to understand all the reasons He allows us to suffer. I do know that through this, I have drawn closer to Him through reading truths in His word. Maybe He just wanted me.

Whatever it is, I am not going to abandon my one word; fearless. I’m sticking with it. I want more of Him. If suffering is what it takes to do that, I am fearlessly afraid to endure it.

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I assumed it would be very similar to many of the other things he is involved in. My role in it would probably be to plan and organize some events and just help out whenever I can. That is who I am, a worker bee. I love to be behind the scenes organizing and planning and then fall behind the scenes. I don’t do well in the spotlight. I don’t get on stage and I don’t like to pray out loud. All of these things give me hot flashes, sweaty hands, shaky voice, a blotchy red chest and stomach pain. I’m a blender.

So, you can imagine my surprise this week when I had people coming up to me congratulating me. The first congratulation took me completely by surprise. I had no idea what they were congratulating me for. Perhaps it was that I had done a good job getting a handle on my acne, perhaps they were congratulating me for a particularly good hair day. I just wasn’t sure, as must have been obvious by the puzzled look on my face, followed by clarification.

The other unexpected surprise was comments from people like “just wait, now that you are an elder’s wife everyone is going to be watching you close”. WHAT???? Then I started looking around at the other elder’s wives. They are so put together and distinguished. Brian is the youngest elder and only elder with elementary age children and a toddler. I’m the one in the fellowship hall who had to rip the piece of chocolate cake out of her two year olds hand, pick her up as she is having a freak out over the loss of cake, only to then get smacked in the face by her, all in week one of the job. Awesome!

There isn’t a book for this sort of a thing, so far the only advice I have received is don’t screw up. Great, that is a perfect job description for me. It seems like I can always find a way to screw up. I’m the person who thinks when the spiritual gifts test was created, the author left out the spiritual gift of sarcasm and cynicism. I think that is a gift, probably because it is one I possess. Don’t judge, I’m still a work in progress.

This new title, made me reflect on all of the people within our lives and our church who we hold unrealistic expectations for. The people I have empathy for are pastor’s kids. Bless your heart. How it must stink for everyone to watch you so they can judge your parents. I’m sorry for that. We have robbed you of the ability to be authentic, we have shut you down. As my friend Beth Moore said in Bible Study today, we shouldn’t give anyone enough power to throw us off course by his or her actions. Everyone is going to mess up. The only person that will never mess up is Jesus.

So, let’s extend grace, all of us at some point in our life will inevitably need to have that grace reciprocated. Be careful not to withhold it. Messing up and failure doesn’t necessarily make those scrutinized under a microscope frauds, they make them HUMAN. Some of the PK’s (pastor’s kids) I know are battling the enemy and winning. They aren’t in the stands rooting for Jesus, they are on the field making plays and I am so proud of them!

So, this is for them. Keep on, keeping on and don’t be scared to be yourself. That is who God made you to be and He doesn’t make mistakes, people do. Will you make mistakes, let’s hope so, it will take some of the pressure off me, but don’t let it stop you. I will be right there along with you, doing my best, but probably having my share of screw ups along the way. Let’s love extravagantly, let’s show grace and mercy, even to those who don’t give it, but most of all, let’s make some big plays together for Jesus. That’s who we are playing for!

While you’re here, why not check out our soft and non-cheesy Christian t-shirts. 100% of all profits are given directly to ministry efforts in the Dominican Republic. Support this ministry by purchasing your SaltTee today.

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My daughter Karen called me the other day just as I walked into a department store. I do not do well with talking on my cell phone while doing other things. This is how you can tell I am old. Multi-tasking is not in my vocabulary, so I ask her to call me back later in the afternoon. When I passed by the children’s department I noticed they were having a great sale.

The frugality in me couldn’t pass this up since her youngest daughter Emery has a birthday next month. I decided I should call her back to ensure I had the right size. My daughter informed me to buy a size 4T. Emery will only be 2yrs old on her upcoming birthday, so I couldn’t believe she was going to be big enough to wear a size 4T. Karen and her family had just visited our home 2 weeks prior and while Emery is big for her age, I couldn’t imagine she was that big.

Maybe, I am losing my vision in this old age thing too. Karen should know what size her daughter wore, so I put the 2T’s that were already in my cart, back and purchased the 4T’s. Karen called me later that day. I told her I got Emery some cute outfits but the 4T’s looked awfully big. My daughter replied, “Mom I told you she wore a 2T.”

Now … I am certain I heard her right, otherwise I wouldn’t have exchanged them but she wouldn’t admit it. I know I can’t be losing my hearing and my mind too with this old age thing.

Later that evening I thought about our conversation and how it applies to our life in general. How many times do we misinterpret what someone says and it causes hurt or hard feelings? Maybe those misinterpreted words could even mark the end of a friendship.

When those situations arise and we find ourselves hurt by words, maybe we should face it straight on and ask again what they meant. Community with others is the one thing in this world that keeps us thriving. Isolation from others in our lives is the start down the road of much loneliness and heartache. Don’t allow it to happen.

And remember, it goes both ways. You never know when the words you use could cause hurt. Always give the benefit of the doubt to those you have relationships with. I’m going to work on that … but in the meantime I still think she told me a size 4T.

While you’re here, why not check out our soft and non-cheesy Christian t-shirts. 100% of all profits are given directly to ministry efforts in the Dominican Republic. Support this ministry by purchasing your SaltTee today.

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Well I climbed the tree and got the coconuts, much to the astonishment of my husband and children. Now I needed a reason for my obsession with coconut picking so I didn’t seem like a nut job (no pun intended). Thus I got the idea of the Coconut – Fruits of the Spirit – Family – Project. It would be a fun learning and bonding project for me and the kids this summer.

School starts in a week and there lay those darn coconuts in the box harassing me yet again “You are never going to get this done before school starts.” So finally today I pulled the girls outside in the grueling summer heat to paint the coconuts. I asked the girls to sing me the song so I could remember what all the fruits are. I should be ashamed that I don’t have them memorized. So begrudgingly they started …

I got the love, joy, peace, patience way down in my soul, kindness, goodness, faithful, gentle, self-control …

Kennedy (10) started her painting with JOY. I tried not to be bitter, since I wanted to do joy. I had already planned out the cute little music notes to put on it. I instead started with PATIENCE, thinking I could probably use a heavy dose to get through this project.

Presley (7) decided she didn’t want to do our project and that she would paint an apple on one for her new teacher instead. I was kind of relieved because, I knew hers would be less than perfect, not that I am aiming for perfection or anything, that would make me less than KIND, which is also a quality we will be painting on the stinking coconuts.

JOY was fair, I had Kennedy make just a couple of changes, but it wasn’t terrible. Next Kennedy chose LOVE. I really wanted to do LOVE, so I might have been a little less than GENTLE with her when I made her start over because I didn’t like the finished product.

Kennedy wasn’t FAITHFUL to the project and she left. Presley was already long gone by this point. There I was sitting in the floor of the garage, painting coconuts by myself. What a nut job!

The whole point of this was to spend time with my children, having fun and talking about the virtues God gives us through His Spirit and wants us to display to the world. But instead I made it about the idol of perfection. I could have been teaching my girls principles that really matter; instead I was focused on the cuteness of the project.

Are you like me and constantly battling this tug of war with what really matters? Putting focus on things that will eventually rot and be destroyed? Placing so much importance on the cuteness of coconuts is like chasing the wind … completely and utterly useless and exhausting.

These coconuts will now be a great reminder to me that fruitful virtues are what I should be striving to achieve. As the coconuts fade and rot, which they inevitably will, I will be reminded of the treasures that will never be destroyed.

Karen Culbertson is a founding partner of SaltTee, Premium Christian t-shirts with a story to tell. 100% of all profits from the sale of our soft and comfy premium t-shirts is given directly to ministry efforts in the Dominican Republic. Support this ministry by purchasing your SaltTee today.

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Today it was a song I sang in my heart to remind me to quit grumbling. I am in a small community in the Dominican Republic this week on a mission trip and I’ve been a bit of a complainer. The floors aren’t clean in the dorm room, the waste baskets by the toilet are overflowing with our USED toilet paper (can’t flush the TP in the DR), I have felt unsafe a couple of times, I feel dirty and stinky, etc.

What a diva I am being, I’m in a third world country, not the Ritz. Yesterday an urge to read James overcame me. One thing I love about the Word of God is it is living. Reading something today, that I read five years ago, could impact me completely differently today.

Typically I love James because it is a book of wisdom, it’s the Proverbs of the New Testament, and most famously known for the “grace without works is dead” line (James 2:7). It’s why I come to the Dominican, to live out my faith.

This time James spoke to me about being humble and controlling my tongue. I needed that refresher. Why should I complain and expect the trash cans to be emptied or the floors to be swept by someone else. I should rejoice in having the opportunity in doing lowly jobs. Jesus washed his disciples’ dirty feet. Who do I think I am?

I am here in the Dominican this week to serve but I wanted to serve on my terms and to serve only the people of the Dominican. I missed an opportunity to serve our team by grumbling about the situation instead of doing something about it. It’s one of the 5099 things about myself I need to work on … looking for the opportunities in circumstances instead of the reasons to complain.

Do you grumble and complain? Do you only see the rain? Then thank God my friend that you can see. Dry your eyes, clear your sight. Look to the left, look to the right. You’re really in good company.

Karen Culbertson is a founding partner of SaltTee, Christian t-shirts with a story to tell. 100% of all profits from the sale of our soft and comfy premium t-shirts is given directly to ministry efforts in the Dominican Republic. Support this ministry by purchasing your SaltTee today.

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