I grew up in a strict fundamentalist home. My father was a pastor and my mother was a devoted pastor’s wife. By all who looked on from the outside my family structure was loving and nurturing. In reality the was wrought with sexual, verbal, emotional and physical abuse- so I grew up believing I was less than, weak and frail.
To kill this perception of myself I joined the US Army about one month after the towers fell in 2001. I was trained as a combat medic and learned a lot of valuable lessons regarding brotherhood and teamwork- I also learned how to drink…a lot. By 2009 when I had returned to civilian life and I was drunk about 4 out of 7 days a week. Drugs were also introduced into the picture depending on who I was hanging out with at the time.
Again on the outside things looked manageable, I had a good job – that I somehow managed to hold onto. I had a fun group of friends that seemed to have my back and I even made it to church on occasion.
In 2017 I ended up in Park Royal after a lethal alcohol binge and threatening suicide. Once released I swore I wouldn’t continue my behavior. That same weekend I was back in the bars drinking to get obliterated. The behavior continued until the summer of 2108 when I decided to kill myself. I planned to do so after returning from vacation visiting Army bases and seeing friends across the south. I arrived back home on a Thursday and drank through Saturday morning. That morning I decided to go get ammunition to do the deed. I was hungover at Bass Pro looking through the ammo aisle and a terrible sense of fear overcame me and I left without the ammunition.
Later that afternoon a friend from Refuge reached out and asked how I really was doing – and for the first time in my life I told the truth. That evening after church I attended my first A.A. meeting.
My first 2 years of sobriety were difficult and eventually (due to me slacking on my spiritual growth) I relapsed in June of 2020 and August of 2020. Currently I am highly involved in the recovery community both here at Refuge and throughout the Fort Myers area. I find that by helping others through this journey it also keeps me on track.
Today – as cliché as it sounds I take it one day at a time and put forth every effort to turn my will over to God daily. I have to remind myself that when I take control of my life I am saying that I know better than God. You can see as you have read this I clearly do not know better than my creator and my savior.
Visit our recovery resource page for Scott’s contact information and more details of the recovery groups available at Refuge.