The phrase “love the sinner hate the sin” is familiar in many churches.
However, it has also caused deep harm—especially to LGBTQ+ people, single parents, and anyone who has ever felt judged by Christians.

In this message, Pastor David explores where the phrase came from, why it’s not biblical, and how Jesus offers a better way—one rooted in dignity, connection, and true compassion.

Where Did “Love the Sinner Hate the Sin” Come From?

Surprisingly, the phrase love the sinner hate the sin does not come from Scripture.
Instead, it traces back to St. Augustine in the 5th century and Gandhi, who later warned that humans struggle to separate sin from personhood

And honestly? History has proven him right.

When people use this phrase, the “love” often disappears. The “hate” becomes the focus. The person becomes the problem.

Why This Phrase Hurts More Than It Heals

Many people—especially LGBTQ+ Christians—have heard love the sinner hate the sin used like a weapon. It feels polite on the surface, but underneath is judgment and distance.

However, it implies that you are your sin or that you are the problem. It tells people that you can belong…but only once you change.

Yet Jesus never taught conditional belonging.
He never taught conditional love.

Jesus Never Called Anyone a “Sinner”

This is huge.
Jesus spent time with people society labeled sinners—yet He never labeled them that way.

He didn’t say:
“Love the sinner.”
He simply said:
“Love your neighbor.”

The difference seems small, but it’s massive.
“Love the sinner” starts with judgment.
“Love your neighbor” starts with dignity.

A Story That Shows the Harm

The sermon shares a powerful true story from a small-town church in the South.
A pregnant high-school girl is publicly shamed in youth group with posters about teen pregnancy covering the walls.

A moment meant to “correct sin” becomes a moment of deep trauma.
This is the real-world damage created when people hide behind love the sinner hate the sin.

Shame does not heal.
Judgment does not restore.
Fear does not bring people closer to God.

Jesus’ Example: Truth Wrapped in Compassion

Look at the woman caught in adultery.
Jesus protects her before He corrects her.
He restores her dignity before giving direction.
And the original language suggests His final words meant:

“Go live in freedom. Sin no longer holds you.”

He gives liberation, not humiliation.

So What Is Sin?

Sin is not a label to place on someone else.
In Scripture, sin means:

• Missing the mark
• Wandering off the path
• Losing connection with God, others, or self

We all “miss the mark.”
Every single one of us.

Which means none of us gets to stand above anyone else.

Why “Hate the Sin” Still Causes Harm

Even the second half of the phrase creates distance.
Why?

Because what people label as “sin” is often shaped by:

• culture
• upbringing
• fear
• bias
• personal discomfort

Sometimes what we call “sin” is simply difference.

“Hate the sin” often becomes a way to avoid real relationship.
A way to stay comfortable.
A way to keep people at the edges of the table Jesus died to expand.

Jesus Led With Presence—Not Policing

Jesus touched lepers before they were healed.
He ate with Zacchaeus before Zacchaeus changed.
He protected the woman before confronting her past.

Transformation never began with condemnation.
It began with connection.

Love came first.
Always.

The Apostle Paul Weighs In

In 1 Corinthians 13, Paul makes it clear:

• You can preach with power.
• You can prophesy.
• You can know Scripture.
• You can have perfect theology.

But without love, you have nothing.

And love the sinner hate the sin often produces the opposite of love.

Why It’s Time to Retire This Phrase

Because it prioritizes judgment over relationship, it creates walls instead of bridges. It confuses fear with faithfulness, and it does not reflect Jesus or the early church.

Real love doesn’t shrink people, it doesn’t push them to the margins, and Real love doesn’t hide behind pious language.

Real love says:
“You belong. You are loved. I’m not going anywhere.”

A Story of Transformation

The sermon ends with a vulnerable moment:
A father wrestling with his son’s coming-out journey.
At first, fear and disappointment ruled.
But over time, God softened his heart.
In prayer, he heard:

“Do you love your son?”
“Do you want to lose your son?”
“Then accept who he is.”

And he chose love.
Not love the sinner hate the sin.
Just love.

That’s the Gospel.
That’s Jesus.

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The Gospel Calls Us to Love Without Conditions

At Refuge, we don’t want people to feel examined.
We want them to feel seen.
We want them to feel safe, and never judged.

Because the way of Jesus is simple: Love your neighbor as you love yourself. Love without labels, love without disclaimers, love without conditions.